Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
