Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
