You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
