She said her name was "party"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
