i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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