Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
