real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
