thus making me awesome and them whores
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
