just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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