why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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