someone threw a dead crab at me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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