for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
only you would photoshop your dick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
