new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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