I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
