its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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