imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
