yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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