problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
