Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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