It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
