so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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