oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
