that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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