Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
