so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
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All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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