just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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