My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
