BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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