New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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