I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
