remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
