Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
In America we eat man semen.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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