i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
