So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's the barista slut.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
