I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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