ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize