my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
