Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
