hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
