Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
