the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
