wat bout pragnant strippers??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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