my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
