Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
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The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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