Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
