I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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