Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
