My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
