Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
