After last night, I could never be a politician.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
try to milk me bitch
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