im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
