Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
