I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
