How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
