eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
