is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
