We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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