i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
