You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
