At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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