woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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