my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
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#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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