Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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