There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
