Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
