if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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