Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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