well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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