Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
