you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
