we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ttyl tear gas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
