Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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