i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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