so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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