Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
