i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
