Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
