Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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