I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
