Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
