Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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