So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
