I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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