Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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