is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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