There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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