Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
