you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
