He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
