she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
