I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
