Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
